(photo by Joey Miller, Little Rock, AR)

And you may ask yourself…wasn’t I just in Atlanta a couple of years ago?

I’m writing this from the Drunken Unicorn in Atlanta, GA, a beautiful little dive bar venue known to put on amazing shows in the area. Situated on a little pavement hill off of Ponce De Leon, it’s a familiar area to me. I used to live in Atlanta only 4 years ago. Live here? I went to fuckin’ law school here. 

There was a time in my life when I envisioned what an ideal life would be like. I remember having one of those weird moments at a coffee shop in Atlanta maybe a year or two after I had started going to Emory Law, sitting in a cafe and staring out at the skyline of downtown Atlanta, studying some stupid book or case, surrounded by cups of coffee and books, chewing on pencils and looking out and wondering what the future held for me. I remember feeling a weird sense of deja vu. I thought I had seen this picture before, that I had envisioned this exact scene somewhere in the past. It made me feel like I had accomplished something. 

I’ve envisioned countless futures for myself, some where I’m a wildly successful businessman, some where I’m a domesticated soccer dad, some where I’m broke and penniless under a bridge somewhere. I can say with all certainty that I never envisioned a future where I’d be on tour for two months straight, playing to packed houses and making a semblance of a living with music that I made myself, of music that I’m actually really proud of. It’s an odd feeling, that you are doing something that is inherently so unfamiliar to you, even though it’s about something that’s such a big part of your life. I didn’t know what it was like to tour, I didn’t know what it meant to travel this much. All I knew was how to step on stage and do my set. That much I could control. That much I knew was set. 

As we coast into 2 weeks left on this 8 weeks stretch, nothing is unfamiliar to me now. That ranges from the logistical nuts and bolts of load in and setup, merch and fan interaction, load out, and the grueling, horrific travel. At a certain point along the way, it became robotic almost; a mindless march to and from the car, finding quiet places to sit and zone out, figuring out the drives and parking. By now, we’re so used to weird and crazy fan interaction, drunk assholes, that they barely register anything more than a tally in our mental sheets. The good still vastly outweigh the bad, so we’re still doing okay, I’d like to think. 

There’s a certain point where the good becomes so commonplace, that the bad becomes the noticeable notches on the wall. You sit and stare at them, you worry about how many speeding tickets you’ve gotten (seriously, do not ask), you worry about your merch running out, you worry about getting to places on time or your car breaking down. The good is white noise, and the bad is the remarkable. You start to think that it’s been a very very long time since you’ve been home. And I got to drive through Memphis, I got to run into my place for about 8 minutes, only to grab a box of merch and to take a moment to see all the items of comfort. To sigh loudly and hit the road again, another 4-5 hours on the road to the next one. Another hotel room. Another dirty venue bench to nap on. Another unhealthy late night meal. Another day, another dollar. 

I visited Atlanta this past year, and it just so happened to be the weekend of Emory Law’s graduation. And I just so happened to drive by the outside pavilion where they had the hundreds of chairs set up, waiting for people to sit in them, bear with the blazing heat, and think about their future. To sit and envision one of the many scenarios that could be appropriate, that could make you happy. 

I never imagined that I could be back in Atlanta doing this 4 years later. I still know how to get around, I still know where the good food is, I still know which way traffic goes. This place hasn’t changed, but my place in it has changed. And all I can do is go to work, and do what I can do. 

The bad is still there in life, even when you’re having the time of your life. But I can remember a time when the good was definitely not there. Driving through Atlanta reminded me that there was a time when I thought that a different life would be better, and how much things have changed. I’ve changed that for what I think is the best, and the good in life still definitely outweighs the bad. 

And tonight, I’m gonna rock a place that’s always felt like home. And I’m going to do the best damn job I can. That much I can control. That much I know is set. 

2 weeks left. Smell ya later.